


I'm no Vega and You're no Altair

by ficasim



Series: KuroTsukki Week 2015 [7]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), M/M, mentions of social anxiety and suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2015-07-10
Packaged: 2018-04-08 17:21:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4313733
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ficasim/pseuds/ficasim
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Day 9 / 10 - College / Proposal</p><p>“You’re impossible, Kuroo-san.”</p><p>“Don’t you mean we are impossible, Tsukki? We are indeed.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm no Vega and You're no Altair

“You’re impossible, Kuroo-san.”

“Don’t you mean we are impossible, Tsukki? We are indeed.”

\--

When the news of Tsukishima’s acceptance to a certain university in Tokyo came, Kuroo gave him a call and put his phone on loudspeaker so that his flatmates could congratulate him. Tsukishima thought it was too noisy but he was barely able not to sound too happy himself. Bokuto had taken the liberty to look for an apartment big enough to accommodate the four of them, much to Tsukishima’s exasperation (it was Akaashi who handled most of the administrative bits though). Being a freshman in university, he couldn’t really refuse a cheaper lodging with familiar people.

On the day of his move, Akiteru insisted on driving him to Tokyo. Kuroo was waiting for him at the lobby of their new apartment when they arrived. He exchanged greetings, helped carry the luggage and was friendlier to Akiteru than Tsukishima would have liked. Bokuto and Akaashi were already unboxing their things, which meant Bokuto mostly getting distracted by his own things and Akaashi desperately trying to keep the mess to a minimum. Akiteru stayed for dinner with his brother’s new flatmates before driving back to Miyagi. He thought they were a good bunch and they would take good care of his brother without his having to ask.

Getting used to university life wasn’t a problem for Tsukishima. He was pretty much familiar with the campus and the neighbourhood with the number of times he had come to visit his Tokyo acquaintances. He texted Yamaguchi regularly about life in Tokyo, although mostly one-liners. Yamaguchi was always excited about things he said and he could never understand why. He also met up with Kozume occasionally, being in the same faculty with him and Akaashi. On one weekend, Sawamura, Sugawara, and Azumane came to Tokyo and he spent his day with his former upperclassmen, bringing them to the Skytree (finally!) and around the city. On nights, lots of nights, Bokuto or Kuroo would get everyone to go to convenience store together because they had somehow thought that it was fun. It was, not that Tsukishima would admit that out loud though.

Tsukishima would never forget that one time Kuroo decided that it was a good idea to go on their midnight escapades and give a surprise visit to Kozume (Kuroo had his keys for safety reasons, because it’s Kozume). They caused enough ruckus to be banned from the apartment until Akaashi came with a whole apple pie from Kozume’s favourite patisserie on behalf of the gang. Alone.

All in all, Tsukishima’s first year in university had been interesting to say the least. He had not been playing volleyball as much but he still did once in a while because he lived with Bokuto and Bokuto was a spiking machine. Lessons were okay too, Tsukishima being intellectually gifted. Akaashi had always been a great help too, both as a senior in his faculty and a senior in life. And Kuroo, well, if constant good-humoured and borderline flirtatious banters were markers of a good relationship, then they were in good terms with each other, whatever their relationship was.

\--

On his second year of university, Kuroo asked if he wanted to move in together. Their tenancy was ending and they couldn’t find a place to fit four people. It would be better to share an apartment, Kuroo had offered. Tsukishima had wanted to say no, but he didn’t. He didn’t exactly say yes either, he just allowed Kuroo to help him move his belongings to the new apartment.

The new place was smaller than the previous one. It wasn’t even fully furnished. They slept on the floor between boxes on the first night and Tsukishima’s back suffered a little the morning after. Little by little, they started adding more things to the place; two futons, a set of racks, kitchen utensils, a small TV, and eventually, a kotatsu for the winter. Kuroo also bought matching mugs for him and Tsukishima but the latter refused to use it for a few weeks. He later realised that it was weird to keep drinking out of his bottle just to avoid using the mug. It was his only reason. Really.

Sometimes Kuroo would stay at Kozume’s place, a habit he had had since Kozume started living alone. Tsukishima never asked about it and Kuroo hardly talked about it. On some rare weekends, Tsukishima would take a train to Miyagi to visit his parents and catch up with Yamaguchi. Kuroo would wait for him at the train station on the day of his return, like how he used to do. The difference this time was that the situation had been reversed and Tsukishima was now spending more time in Tokyo than in Miyagi.

There were times when they fought. Tsukishima was always sarcastic in nature and Kuroo just loved to rile up people so much. At first, it had been small fights, and then it got bigger and graver. There was that one time after Tsukishima had just returned from Miyagi for the winter break. He had told Kuroo about his arrival time and Kuroo had promised to pick him up at the station. But he didn’t. Tsukishima had tried calling but he had not answered. He had called eventually, hours later, saying that he had had to go to Kozume’s place. He had been about to explain the situation when Tsukishima had dropped one sarcastic comment about Kozume’s social anxiety and he had snapped. It had been Kozume who texted Tsukishima the next day, apologising (sorry), explaining (I had a panic attack), and giving Tsukishima a sort of punch in the gut (Kuro didn’t deserve that.)

He knew about Kuroo, he knew about Kozume. Who was him to say such hurtful things about their situation?

Tsukishima was glad he had the whole apartment to himself that night. He didn’t want to meet Kuroo. He wasn’t ready to apologise and admit the reason he had said those words. He wasn’t ready to accept that maybe there was something between him and Kuroo.

Kuroo came back the following day and gave his version of the story. He was upset but he understood Tsukishima, more than the person himself would like. After a while, things went back to how they were, almost as if nothing had happened. Tsukishima though, was more agitated by the day. He started reacting in a rather hostile manner whenever Kuroo did that borderline flirtatious teasing on him. He was on the edge when it happened and on the edge when it didn’t. He could no longer count on his rationality and he wanted so badly to curl up in a corner, away from Kuroo. He couldn’t even do that because they were sharing a space with hardly any partition between rooms. Kuroo too was losing his tolerance as his graduation day grew near and his thesis demanded more and more attention. It was ironic how, as much as he wanted to talk with Tsukishima to fix the situation, the best thing for now was to leave Tsukishima alone. So he did.

On the day of Kuroo’s graduation, after a lot of thinking, Tsukishima said to Kuroo, “Kuroo-san, I can’t do this anymore.”

And Kuroo understood.

\--

Tsukishima spent his third year living in a small studio apartment near his part-time job at an eccentric second-hand bookstore while Kuroo went to Yokohama for his clinical residency. The tension between them gradually dissipated as there were less things that could trigger Tsukishima’s agitation now. They still texted each other sometimes, still exchanged banters, but with less venom than during the time they had lived together. Akaashi and Kozume came to the shop a number of times to look for hard to find references for their projects, or just to check on Tsukishima. Life was quiet and it was good.

Except there were times when Tsukishima didn’t want to be alone.

Tsukishima noticed that Kuroo was careful to avoid talking about things that might agitate him in his texts. Things such as feelings and suggestive teasing, on top of issues Kuroo had known to be there such as Tsukishima’s reluctance to open up and his insecurities underneath that cynical exterior. Tsukishima knew that Kuroo understood, and it made him feel grateful and defensive at the same time. Grateful because being understood felt nice, and Kuroo had put up with him for so long it was almost impossible. Defensive because those are his private thoughts and feelings which made him vulnerable in front of Kuroo. He didn’t want anybody to see that side of him. He didn’t even want it to exist.

Spending time with himself though, had allowed him to have proper conversations with himself. He was more aware of what was going on inside and around him. It had been painful at first, and it still was, coming to terms with himself. He didn’t even know how it had happened. One day, as he was cooking spaghetti for dinner and watching a cat stretch from his window, it just hit him. Memories of the past years came flooding into his mind, leaving him feeling bitter at himself. What was it that he was defending from Kuroo? He had not once done anything Tsukishima didn’t want. When he did, they were all good-humoured and well-intended. Now there’s a great distance between them physically and emotionally, greater than it had been in the past. Tsukishima cried.

He woke up the next day with puffy eyes and throbbing head. If it wasn’t because the finals are near, he might even skip his morning class. He dragged himself to the bathroom for a shower and realised that, despite how wrecked his body felt, his mind was clear. He had had a good cry and now he thought he could do what he had always wanted to do. Apologise to Kuroo.

He didn’t manage to really sit down and word his apology properly until after his afternoon lecture. When he checked his phone, there was one missed call from Kuroo that he must have missed in class. Did Kuroo somehow knew? He had never called Tsukishima since he want for his clinical residency. Was it something urgent? Tsukishima thought that it would be best to just call.

“Hello, Kuroo-san.”

“…Tsukki?”

“Sorry, I was in a lecture. Is there anything you need?”

“Tsukki. One of my clients committed suicide last night.”

Kuroo tried to sound calm but his voice faltered and he sounded very tired. Tsukishima knew very little about what Kuroo was experiencing but understood enough how devastating it must have felt to see a preventable death happening. If it had been Tsukishima, he wouldn’t know what to do. He didn’t even know what to do right now. Kuroo said nothing after that and neither did he. He had wanted to ask why he called him of all people, but he feared for what Kuroo might answer him with.

“I thought if I could never hear your voice again—Not that you’d commit suicide, I just thought—“

“Kuroo-san, can I… Will you please give me your address so I could come over?”

Tsukishima had had enough of running away from Kuroo and from himself. He owed him a lot of apologies and a lot of explaining. He took down the address as Kuroo explained to him with shaky voice and then took the earliest train to Yokohama. He had wanted to go straight to Kuroo’s place but then decided to stop by a supermarket on the way there. Kuroo might have not eaten for all he knew and sandwiches from convenience stores were no good for times like this. Tsukishima wanted to hurry, but a part of him reminded himself that this time, he was the one who needed to stay calm.

When Tsukishima arrived at Kuroo’s, he was greeted by a messy hair, wrinkled shirt, and a very unconvincing smile. He made his way inside and just stared at Kuroo for a long while. He had never been in situations like this and didn’t know how to comfort people. A few breaths passed between them before Kuroo dropped his forehead on Tsukishima’s shoulder. Tsukishima hesitantly put his arms around him and stayed like that until Kuroo patted his arm. He didn’t know what he had done, but Kuroo seemed a little better although it’s still far from the Kuroo Tsukishima had known.

Kuroo took a long overdue shower as Tsukishima borrowed his kitchen to whip up something simple. No pacific saury, but Kuroo had to deal with it. While at it, Tsukishima also cleaned empty cans of beer on his coffee table and leftover food that looked more untouched than leftover. When Kuroo was out of the shower, the two ate in silence.

That night, Kuroo had offered to sleep on the couch like the first time Tsukishima had stayed over at an apartment he had shared with Bokuto and Akaashi, but Tsukishima declined. Instead, he said something he totally didn’t plan on saying.

“Please sleep on your own bed, Kuroo-san. If you need me, I’ll be right here.”

That shocked even Tsukishima himself. He had come to check on Kuroo and to apologise. He didn’t mean to go this far. He wasn’t ready—or was he now?

“I mean—If you need anything, I can—“

“Tsukki. Tsukishima. I need you.”

That moment, Tsukishima understood. He didn’t say anything when Kuroo gestured him to sleep on his bed, neither did he pull away when Kuroo held his hand until he fell asleep. The bed was too cramped for the two of them and the blanket couldn’t even cover his sides, but he was okay. They were okay.

When Tsukishima opened his eyes, it wasn’t even morning anymore. Kuroo was staring at him, hand still holding his. If Kuroo was going to say anything that would ruin the moment, he was going to smother that face with a pillow. It’s too early for that. But Kuroo didn’t. He just said thank you and Tsukishima’s breath caught.

“It’s—I’m the one who should-- …Sorry, Kuroo-san, for a lot of things.”

Kuroo just chuckled and ruffled his hair. If he was forgiven, Kuroo started, is it okay to ask for a kiss? Tsukishima thought it might have been too early for this, but he could only snort and close his eyes. It was liberating, and he almost wished that he had done this sooner.

\--

One year later, on Tsukishima’s graduation ceremony, Kuroo gave him flowers and a set of keys. They went back to a place they now call home where every once in a while they would fight and then make up. Many years later, the morning after a particularly great fight and equally great make-up sex, Kuroo asked Tsukishima that, if Tsukishima was considered forgiven, would he allow Kuroo to buy him a ring? Tsukishima thought it was too early for that and told him exactly that. But when Kuroo got down on his knees months later, Tsukishima just said that this didn’t mean that Tsukishima would give up his room in their apartment to be used as storage. Well, Kuroo said, at least that way nobody would have to sleep on the couch when they fight.

**Author's Note:**

> Uh, so this is supposed to be a closure to the series of fics I wrote for the KuroTsukki week? I'm still not sure of what to do for the free prompt but I hope you enjoyed this so far. Thank you for reading, and I really appreciate your comments and kudos. *v*
> 
> Also on [tumblr](http://ficinity.tumblr.com/post/123761622425/im-no-vega-and-youre-no-altair)


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